Myths about narcissists

There are many myths surrounding a narcissist and I will write a little about some of them here.

There are some that may be a little provocative, but remember that the words we usually assign a meaning to can have more nuances and other angles.

Myths go on:

• That a narcissist always has lots of grandiosity and good self-esteem.

• That a narcissist has no empathy

• That they are evil

• That a narcissist is always charming and has money

• That a narcissist loves himself

• That they cannot be helped through therapy

• That they don't grieve or get their hearts broken after a breakup.

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Before I write further about the above, I know that the words empathy and narcissism do not go hand in hand for many people and that there are many opinions on this.

You have your own experience and your own truths and hold on to them.

Remember that others have a different opinion and that there is no definitive answer as to whether your truth or mine is the right one.

A narcissist is certainly not always up front, grandiose, and extremely charming to everyone and everything.

It's an old division of the concept of narcissism, which means we have these "few" categories to put these personalities into.

This is also why many of us suffer in silence. We cannot find the right words for a person's actions because our "boxes" in Denmark are too few.

The covert/vulnerable narcissist is definitely a completely different type that many people have no idea exists.

This is exactly the type of person we overlook and apologize for because their mannerisms and actions don't fit into the box of someone who exudes confidence and is grandiose.

They are exactly the opposite.....namely, often introverted, shy, and have no self-confidence to be able to entertain a party like the grandiose can.

Yes, you heard right.

A narcissist is a wounded child like the rest of us. However, their path to healing and progress in life is very different from most.

We all have our own way of coping, depending on what we have learned from our caregivers.

Remember that a narcissist has learned much of their behavior from caregivers.

If that behavior has not been corrected from the start, then it is the child's way of finding a way to survive.

Remember that there is a wounded person behind the narcissist.

There may be some hereditary components from the parents, but upbringing and environment are definitely what are most crucial for learning a certain behavior.

They are not born evil, no one is.

Narcissists lack empathy, note that this is NOT the same as them not having it.

It's a psychopath who lacks empathy which is a biological "damage"

I know you're getting goosebumps when I write this, but remember that empathy is much more than just being loving and caring.

The empathy you see in a narcissist is often in the "Loveboming" phase.

This is where they have enough empathy to "mirror" your behavior and then copy it.

By definition, empathy is also the ability to mirror others.

A narcissist does NOT love themselves. Not even the grandiose one.

It is an illusion to protect a very fragile ego that they do NOT want to be in contact with or show to others.

A narcissist's behavior can probably be regulated in intensive therapy.

There are narcissists who go to therapy for various reasons, however, they can often only learn to mirror behavior and not always "feel" the emotions others have or empathize with them.

Remember how difficult we ourselves know it is to change just one habit... A smoking habit perhaps.... An adult narcissist actually has to change all their "habits" if they have learned them (i.e. themselves in almost everything they entail) and that is almost an impossible project for all people, narcissist or not.

A narcissist is devastated and in mourning after your breakup.

What we need to remember here is that their experience of the world is different from "normal" and so is their love language.

We grieve the loss of our soulmate and everything we had.

They mourn the loss of their best source of supply for their "own worth" and it is a grief for them that cannot be taken away from them.

However, I am aware that this is NOT who you want to be for another person.

You just have to always remember that their love language is different from yours and that you would never be able to enter the relationship with the same expectations and ways of cultivating a common love language.