The characteristics of a good therapist.

The characteristics of a good therapist, psychologist, etc., when you have been in a relationship with narcissists or dysfunctional people.

These are the criteria I would recommend:

-knowledge of psychological violence

-knowledge of the nervous system

-knowledge of trauma work

-knowledge of attachment patterns

-knowledge of inner child work

-knowledge of shadow work and integration

-undergoes self-therapy and ongoing supervision

I would NOT recommend going to body therapy or breath work if you have been traumatized.

Unless those who facilitate this have a very good knowledge of trauma and the body.

All traumas sit in your body.

The body is intelligent and remembers everything your psyche protects you from.

You are therefore very likely to be re-traumatized without you knowing it, which can lead to a longer period of worsening of your symptoms afterwards that you cannot “be in”

I will never go to a therapist or anyone else who is NOT in their own therapy or has ongoing supervision.

This is said with all due respect to all therapists who have education - certificates, psychologists, etc., even those who do not.

All people have sides of themselves that they don't see or don't know about.

These are facts.

When you sit in a vulnerable space with a therapist of any kind and open up about your traumas, emotions, and very difficult experiences, both unconscious transference and counter-transference can occur in this vulnerable space between you.

This can happen with a therapist who has not worked with themselves, their own traumas, and their own self-image.

Not out of malicious intent, but from a flawed perspective and an unprocessed emotional life that the therapist is not even aware of.

This can make the atmosphere between you suddenly become uncomfortable and awkward.

You may feel “lost” by the therapist or feel unsafe or wrong.

This will activate your nervous system for a survival response and you would therefore go into “survival mode”

You may feel even more wronged, vulnerable, and alone.

You would lose faith in being able to be helped and get better.

You will most likely experience retraumatization here as well.

A therapist who has worked with themselves in a therapeutic space would know their own limitations and strengths.

Therefore, I would NEVER recommend that anyone in this group, with trauma to body, mind and soul, choose a therapist or anything else without these criteria being met.

Furthermore, you should also know that a “healing” and working with oneself in a therapeutic space is a long journey.

There are NO quick fixes and if you are promised otherwise, you should be wary.

This is a huge red flag.

Being systematically broken down year after year, being subjected to psychological violence, and having multiple relationships with dysfunctional people and narcissists is a journey that began in childhood.

Therefore, there are no quick fixes or quick therapy that can help you get better quickly.

It does NOT exist.

Your nervous system, your way of thinking and your way of viewing the world are built on your upbringing, cultural framework, beliefs, religion, etc.

This is built on our own and our family's views, values, attitudes, and this also applies to the system's perceptions.

Depending on our upbringing, environment, security, attachment, etc., our nervous system is “wired” accordingly. This is basic biology.

You can't just change this or calm it down in a few therapeutic sessions.

These are unfortunately the hard facts.

If you are in this group and have been exposed to dysfunctional relationships of all kinds and suffer from periods or prolonged

Depressions

Mood swings

Extreme fatigue

Can't "get it together"

Stagnation

ADHD

Autoimmune disorders that are difficult to treat medically

Abuse

Overweight

Etc. ect.

If you have received a lot of medical help and treatment that is not working as intended, there may be a completely different cause behind these symptoms.

A dysregulated nervous system.

There is currently a lot of foreign research that points to our nervous system being a much greater trigger than previously assumed for a lot of physiological and mental illnesses.

This is just a little bonus info and this bonus info can be a new perspective for those of you who have been to the doctor and professional therapists of all kinds and still don't think there is anything that can help you properly.

If this new research proves correct, it is estimated that in about 50 years we will no longer have more than 5% of the mental disorders in the DSM-5 diagnostic book.