Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing has its expression in the Hansel & Gretel fairy tale.

They were lured into a trap by their evil stepmother who led them far into the forest.

Grethe was so clever that on the way out she left little breadcrumbs as clues so they could find their way home.

"Bread-crumbing" is used extensively in dating or in a relationship with a narcissist.

The purpose is to "stick" you to the fire very sparingly and not enough for them to bother making a bigger effort.

It is during this period that you will perceive a rather cold and withdrawn relationship, which clearly and distinctly becomes more and more dismissive in your relationship, but which does not tell you face to face with words or actions what the reason for this distance really is or whether there is something wrong between you.

It's fucking tacky and it's pure manipulation, make NO mistake about that.

A person who wants you and who you want to be a part of your life should basically give you a clear explanation or argument for why they are withdrawing... END....

Everything else is manipulation and giving you "breadcrumbs".

"Breadcrumbs" can also be your boyfriend talking about all the experiences - trips and gifts he would like to shower you with, but which never happen...not even when it could actually be done. Words without action are just "Bullshit"

You can perceive it as it is.

That the person who "breadcrumbs" you slowly withdraws from you, but every time you mention this or ask if you have done or said something wrong, there are always excuses that have nothing to do with you, but with everyone else who is stressing that person out and which are used to explain the reason for the distance between you.

Everyone can understand this and that is why this experience is so twisted.

You can see that the person is clearly burned out, stressed or having a hard time, so of course you give your full support and understanding and pull yourself together a little to "spare" the person a little.

However, you are not involved with that person as you usually are and you are not involved in the problems that you would normally be involved in.

The signs of "breadcrumbs" in your relationship may be perceived by you as the following:

-The person is constantly "hot or cold", meaning that they suddenly stop contacting you on the phone, social media, calling or writing to you many times a day.

-If you live together, it may show a lack of interest in maintaining daily small talks, spending time without you, or going to bed early constantly.

-When you talk together, it's indifferent talk and primarily superficial. You can't make plans or talk about the "elephant in the room"

-They confuse you in their way of communicating. They say one thing and mean another and do something else. The narcissist's words versus actions are never followed up. For example, they may "like" your pictures on Facebook, but not respond to your messages on their mobile phone.

-They are also really good at making themselves heard when they want to achieve something. It can be late at night if they want a place to sleep or something.

-You give them more attention and are more involved in your relationship all the time than the other person does.

-You have a feeling of being used and exploited. Your friends and family are dealing with this.

The purpose of "breadcrumbing" is to manipulate you into maintaining interest in the narcissist so that an ego boost can be given to their very fragile ego.

However, they don't invest anything in you the other way around, only when you're about to let them go are they interested again.

If you are being subjected to this, by a narcissist or others, what you can do is first acknowledge that this is what is happening.

You can take the "bull by the horns" right away and say/write that you don't want any more contact unless the interest changes and it is genuine.

You can also choose to stop all contact immediately. Unfortunately, the realities speak for themselves in their actions or lack thereof.

It's a difficult situation and if you have any doubts about whether this is what you're facing, talk to a close friend or someone else who can guide you.

Remember that you deserve someone who will be there for you through thick and thin, not just sporadically when it suits them.